Book 19 IELTS General Writing Test 1
Answers
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.0 score.
“Dear Mr. Brent,
I hope this letter finds you well.
I am writing this letter to request my working hours in Lancom Technology to be reduced to 30 hours from 40 hours in a weekly basic.
I am requesting hours change due to study part-time. I have enrolled myself in Diploma of Logistics and Freight Forwarding. The part-time course is to be completed in 2 years time.
I would like to work from Monday to Friday from 7am to Ipm, so I could attend my classes on the afternoon session.
I hope this arrangement would allow me to gain more skills and knowledges, which I am confidently to contribute to our logistic department. Besides, the society exposure from lecturers and fellow schoolmates could contribute to our logistic network.
I am appreciate if you could look into this request and approve it. I am delighted to have face-to-face meeting with you to discuss any alternative.
Please do not hesitate to contact if you have any question. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Thank you.
Yours sincerely.”
Here is the examiner’s comment:
This letter is a good response to the task, the tone is suitable for writing to a manager and all aspects of the bullet points are presented. Benefits to the employer include [more skills and knowledges] that can be shared across the team, and an increased logistic network]. The message can be followed as there is a clear progression, although due to the very short paragraphs, this does appear more like a list of information rather than a letter.
Vocabulary has some good elements [enrolled | contribute to | discuss any alternative], but there is some lack of precision in word choice [weekly basic / weekly schedule | confidently to contribute / confident will contribute]. Grammatical structures are varied but limited overall. Strengths include [reduced to… from | is to be completed | so could attend], but there are some errors, including missing articles [Diploma / a Diploma] and third person’s’ [logistic network/logistics network | any question / any questions]. and use of modal forms [I am appreciate / I would appreciate | I am delighted/I would be delighted].
To improve the rating, the ideas should be better organised into paragraphs within the letter. Instead of starting each sentence with [], the candidate could introduce more variety with linking and grammatical structures.
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.0 score.
“Photography is actually be come trend. Now a day due to impact of Social Media People are not looking at the place they visit but rather concentrate on taking photographs of the place thinking that they will post them on facebook or instagram. They get a different kind of pleasure when they get more likes on their posts in the Social Media.
These are many reasons behind ??? the fact that people have access to camera and internet and social media at their fingertips they have forgotten the value of the nature of the place they are visiting. There are negative and positive impact over this situation. Firstly when we look at good things it is good that the Technology has given an advanced accebility to the high speed internet in our pockets and high defination cameras at a cheapest price.
This helps us to capture all that we need immediately. Secondly, there is no skill or learning of a certification required for that, even a kid is able to capture beautiful pictures using Mobile Phones. Thirdly, it is giving opportunity as not to miss any thing that we capture to share at affortable price. Though there are positive aspects for this practices, as bad also follows good, there are negative points that we need to think about as well.
One among these is privacy, when we post some of the photographs in social media, Every one will get to know as what is happening our life. The privacy is effected.
Secondly it is giving an opportunity for fradster’s to collect information like our address, Date of birth Age and so forth that they can get access to the Banking information and Scam and Rob the Money.
To conclude the positive things only give satification but the negative once are the real threat’s to personal information and individuals life.”
Here is the examiner’s comment:
This response covers each main area of the task: brief reasons are given on why people are taking photographs of themselves without looking at the place they are visiting (the impact of social media and the pleasure people get from the ‘likes’ on pictures they post) and much more detail is provided on the ‘positive or negative’ aspects of the trend.
There is a clear progression overall and some good cohesive features [Firstly | Secondly like | but]. However, there is repetition and error [These / There | good | privacy] and paragraphing is not very helpful.
There is some higher-level vocabulary [impact of concentrate on | different kind of pleasure | get access to] but also, some error in spelling [accebility | high defination | affortable | fradster’s | satification] and inaccuracy [Rob / steal | once / one] which impacts the rating here.
Grammatical structures are mixed, with some good use [they have forgotten the value | need to can], but generally, the level of error is quite high. A greater degree of accuracy in these structures would increase the score.
Overall, to achieve a higher score, the candidate should add more on ‘Why do you think this is happening?” and should provide a more comprehensive conclusion. It is also important to use paragraphing more effectively, to group ideas together.