Book 13 IELTS General Writing Test 2
Answers
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7.0 score.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
This letter establishes the background to the meeting, thus creating a context for what is to follow. The purpose is clear, the tone is both consistent and appropriate (formal), and each of the bullet points is highlighted and developed. Organisation is logical and there is a clear progression throughout the response. There is also an appropriate range of cohesive devices (According to | However | Taking into consideration | Considering]. There is a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility; there is good use of less common items and evidence of collocation [facilities | hotel amenities | dissatisfied with | stale | tough and undercooked abdominal discomfort favourable reports | negative feedback]. There are only occasional spelling errors. The writer uses a variety of complex structures and does so accurately, showing good control over both grammar and punctuation.
“Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing in connection with a meeting which was organised in your hotel on the 1st November for the employees of the ‘Avanta’ company. According to the feedback given by the guests they thoughroughly enjoyed hotel facilities, particularly the outstanding design of the building and furnishing, as well as the quality of reseption and transfer provided.
However, in spite of the overall contentment with hotel amenities the participants of the meeting reported being dissatisfied with the quality of food served for lunch. All colleagues agreed on the fact that the food was stale, especially bread and some of the salads, and the meat was tough and undercooked. One of the guests complained about having abdominal discomfort after the lunch, though not leading to any serious problems.
Taking into consideration the abovesaid, we would appreciate it if you establish a better control over the kitchen and the cooking process. Considering all favourable reports that were heard about the hotel so far we are not going to leave any negative feedback officially. We hope that this was simply a misfortunate accident and the fame of your hotel will not suffer from a.
Faithfully yours,”
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.5 score.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The candidate addresses both parts of the task, but does not develop them sufficiently to achieve a higher score. Some of the response (about his/her personal experience) is not relevant. Information is presented with some organisation and there is some sense of progression, but the response would achieve a higher rating if it was better organised and used paragraphs to develop the different parts of the answer. The range of vocabulary is just about adequate for the task [problem with weight fitness club | GYM | practise sports), but there are spelling errors in even quite simple words [than/then | cheep/cheap | lazy/lazy | famous famous]. The range of structures is limited, with frequent use of short, simple sentences. Complex sentences are attempted, but usually contain errors “[Now we can see a lot of people who have problem with weight. I try don’t give up | I can don’t go to the GYM make yourself to do something) and this sometimes causes difficulty for the reader.
I agree, that many working people not get enough exercise, and than they have health problems. Now we can see a lot of people who have problem with weight. For example in America they have a big problem with this, but another side, they have a lot of fitness club, GM, and it is cheep to go there. But most of them laizy to do something or they have a lot of work and have no time to practise sports I can’t understand it. I think it depends on lifestyle and person. Everywhere you have to work, sometimes on a two jobs, that have money for life, for your family. But you can see for example of the famous people. Everytime they they are busy, but they find a time to practise sport. Not just famous people, I said it depends on people. I used to practise sport. It started when I was child and I try don’t give up because I like it. I can don’t go to the GYM, for example, one month, but after I can’t sit on the one place and do nothing. I need it, I want to be tired. And now this is my lifestyle and I think, that I never give up. What can be done, that people start to do exercise? First you have to make yourself to do something. For example, do exercise in the morning, after You need to follow what you eat. Because now people like eating fast food, they have no time to cook at home, but it does not matter. And just one day stand up and go to the gym and start to practise. And everything will be okay!”