Book 19 IELTS General Writing Test 3
Answers
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.5 score.
“Dear Mr Banks
As you know, my month lease is about to expierd next month and I’m writing to you with a request to extand it for 6 more month, as my sircumstents had changed.
When I just arrived to Adelaide I wasnt sure that I’ll be able to stay more then 6 month. I got a 6 month contract with my work place and that was suppuse to be it. Last week my boss who is apperoutly have a good imprassion of me, ask me to stay and maunage another project here in the city. So, if it’s possible, I’ll love to extand ower agreement. I really love the apartment, the view is lovely and the nightbrohood is friendly, although I do have one problem? The back door is broken and I’ll aprishiate you help in that metter, espisialy if I’m going to stay throw the winter, which I understan can be quit cold and windy around here.
Thank you very much”
Here is the examiner’s comment:
This letter covers each area of the task and provides a nice level of detail. The request is to extend the lease for a further six months, plans have changed due to a work opportunity and a problem with the back door is highlighted. The tone is suitable for writing to the owner of the apartment. Ideas are organised coherently and progression is clear. There are a range of cohesive devices [So although] and helpful use of referencing [/t❘ who❘ which).
Unfortunately, there is a high level of error in spelling. This does detract from the score, which is a shame as this writer is clearly trying hard to include a good range of vocabulary. Unfortunately, the errors are noticeable because there are so many of them [expierd / expired | apperoutly / apparently exfand ower/extend our nightbrohood/ neighbourhood | espisialy / especially).
There is a mix of simple and complex grammatical structures, with some good examples [is about to if it’s possible | if I’m going to stay). However, again, the level of error is quite high and is noticeable. There are errors in plural forms [6 more month/6 more months] in use of past tenses (ask/asked) and future forms [I’ll love to / I’d love to].
The content of this letter covers each area of the task, but to achieve a higher score, the candidate should demonstrate a greater level of accuracy with vocabulary and grammatical structures.
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.5 score.
“Yes, this is a positive trend, but when you know about that manufacturer company, about their service, quality, quantity etc. If you buy goods from you known brand then it is good for you because you get good product.
Goods are produced in local areas are cheaper than imported gods. There is a big price difference in local and imported goods. All people are not reached so those who are not afford imported goods they automatically turn to local goods.
If you buying any goods from our local brand then the money remain in our area & this is very helpful to make our economy strong. We have to buy only those product that made or produced in our area because it gives money, job to our area.
There are verious frouad companies selling duplicate of first copy imported goods. So this is also the one reason or kind of fear for not buying imported goods. There are verious charges applied when we buy imported goods and for local goods there are no such charges or tares applied. Hear I would like to share my experience. I buy a jeans of Lewis brand of rs 4000 after some days the colour of pant become lighter day by day, I feel very bad because I invest 4000 rs on jeans only because Lewis is an imported brand, then I thought if I buy jeans from local area then I get 4 jeans in 4000 & I realised I did mistake & from that day I choose to buy goods that are produced in my local area rather than imported goods.
I suggest you that, I you want to be a part of our developing country then buy goods from our local brands this helps to keep our money in our country.”
Here is the examiner’s comment:
This response addresses both parts of the question: the reasons for consumers buying local goods, and whether this is positive or negative. In the first line, we see the writer thinks it is a positive trend. Then reasons are given for buying local goods rather than imported goods: if the product is local, it will be a good product; locally produced goods will be cheaper; the money will remain in the local area, helping the local economy with jobs and money, and buying local will avoid buying fake goods. A personal example is given to illustrate the positive trend. The conclusion is really giving advice’ to consumers to buy local brands to develop their local economy.
There is progression through the response, but linking expressions are largely missing or incorrect [Hear/Here | I suggest you that /I suggest that]. However, cohesive devices are sometimes used well those who | our | those product that but can be faulty.
Vocabulary has an adequate range, with some good collocation, [known brand price difference | no such charges or taxes applied] despite some errors in spelling (verious frouad / various fraud]. There are some examples of complex sentence forms, for example, in the fourth paragraph, but there are quite frequent grammatical errors.
To achieve a higher score, the candidate should present the ideas around the ‘positive and negative trend’ more clearly. Their conclusion should summarise the main arguments, rather than ‘give advice to local consumers. They should also demonstrate a greater level of accuracy with vocabulary and grammatical structures.