Book 18 IELTS Academic Writing Test 4
Answers
This model has been prepared by an examiner as an example of a very good answer.
“From the line graph, we can see the average monthly rise or fall in how much copper, nickel and zine cost throughout 2014.
Overall, nickel started with the highest percentage change of the three but ended with the lowest.
Zinc started with the smallest change and ended with the highest, and copper prices fluctuated.
Prices for all three metals dipped in June.
In January the price of nickel was up six per cent, but this aropped to negative three percent in June, ending the year with a one percent increase in both November and December. Copper began the year with an increase of two percent and by May, the price was dropping (by slightly less than one per cent). It rose again, increasing by a percentage point in July, August and September. Zinc saw its most dramatic increase in February, with three per cent and the price fell in June (a one percent decrease). The change was negative until October/November when it began to rise.”
Here are comments from another examiner:
This response reports the main data for each of the three metals. There is an introduction in the first paragraph and an overview in the second, followed by the presentation of the main trends of all three categories in the third. Some details are missing (copper after September and no percentage changes for any metal from July to September).
The candidate identifies the ‘dip’ for all three in June, but to score more highly, they could also have mentioned that overall, percentage changes fell at the beginning of the year, remained static from July to September and rose after October to the end of the year.
Information is arranged coherently; each metal is taken in turn for data reporting.
There is good use of cohesive devices [Overall | but | with | when], but there could be more.
Vocabulary is adequate with some attempts to use less common items [fluctuated || dramatic increase] and attempts to use synonyms [ended with the lowest | dipped || dropped.
There is a lack of complex structures, as most sentences are simple or compound.
However, there is some variety in structures, including comparatives [highest || smallest | most dramatic] and continuous tenses [was dropping].
To improve the response, the candidate could extend the overview to reflect some common trends and should include some of the missing details.
This model has been prepared by an examiner as an example of a very good answer.
“The population in most parts of the world is ageing; people are living longer and there are fewer younger people in many places as birth rates fall. This phenomenon has pros and cons, but this essay will contend that, on balance, the advantages of having an older population outweigh the negatives.
The first issue that occurs to many people when considering the ageing population is the expense. If people live longer, they may have more than 30 years of retirement and may need to be supported financially by the government or their families. If they experience age-related illness, this impacts the health system and takes up resources needed by other people in society. What’s more, when older people are financially independent, it might be hard for younger people if they have to compete to get a foot in the door of the housing market or gain employment.
That being said, older people have a lot to contribute in terms of wisdom, experience and skills.
Many people are active and productive for longer than their counterparts were 50 years ago and are an asset to the economy and society well into their old age. They are able to work for longer and after retirement they contribute in many ways too, such as by doing charitable work, spending money as consumers and supporting their families. Grandparents often care for their young grandchildren, making it easier for both parents to work,
While it is true that an ageing population poses challenges for governments, it is clear that these are outweighed by the significant benefits that elderly people bring to society.”
Here are comments from another examiner:
This is a good response to the task. Both sides of the argument are presented, with the ideas extended for both. The candidate makes their position clear from the beginning, that there are more advantages than disadvantages.
The second paragraph addresses the expense of looking after the elderly, the health system and the cost for governments. It also captures the challenge that older people take up houses and jobs so younger people cannot progress.
The third paragraph presents the advantages of the [wisdom, experience and skills] older people can bring: that they are more active and remain productive for longer, not only working, but also [doing charitable work, spending money as consumers, supporting their families and even grandchildren for the working parents].
This means that the conclusion is relevant and justified.
Ideas are organised and cohesion has good progression.
Vocabulary is skilfully used, with some high-level terms [phenomenon | age-related illness | impacts the health system] and some sophisticated examples [get a foot in the door | counterparts].
There are a range of complex grammatical structures, including several conditional structures [if]. The conditionals are used to emphasise the challenges presented and are without errors.
This is a high-level, fully developed response with ideas that are well supported, extended and engaging.