Book 14 IELTS General Writing Test 3
Answers
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7.0 score.
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to you to provide a feedback on the “Kitchen Wonders” cookery course I have taken recently. As my cooking had become more and more complimented since, I would like to take this opportunity to express my appreciation for the evolution I have attained from the course.
Albeit a short and basic course, it contained useful tips on using cutlery and cookware which were entirely new to me. Having always cooked by instinct these tips (enabled) brought to light simple mistakes I had been making, which now I avoid. Moreover, I particularly enjoyed the “Kitchen Hacks” module, and its techniques have brought my cooking skills to a new level.
I have been using these lessons on weekends, when I normally cook for my family, and the difference is clear. The effect the course had on my dishes has been remarked on some occasions, and this new found ability has been raising expectations as the word spreads throughout my relatives. Still, I am confident they shall not be disappointed.
I intend on honing this skill further, especially since the course did not address dessert-making.
Should such a course be offered, I would be delighted to enroll and keep collecting awestruck expressions from my relatives. I really appreciate the results your course has provided me, and I look forward to even more.
Sincerely,
Paulo”
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The response covers all the bullet points and develops them at some length. The purpose is clear and the only inconsistency in tone is the use of [Sincerely) to close the letter. Information and ideas are logically organised and there is a clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices, used appropriately (Albeit | it | which | these tips | Moreover], for example. The range of vocabulary is wide enough to show some less common items and collocations [cooked by instinct | brought to light | Kitchen Hacks | new found ability| honing my skills | awestruck], with only minor errors [The effect the course had on my dishes has been remarked (upon) on some occasions | enroll / enrol]. There is a variety of complex structures, with frequent error-free sentences and good control of punctuation with only a few errors.
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.5 score.
“In the world, there are things we can buy paying money But, at the same time there are things that we’ll never be able to get thought we are milianair.
We can make ourselves spending money to buy visible items, such as expensive cars, bags, houses, clothes and so on. A friend of mine, when she is stressful she like to go shopping to get rid of the stress. Luckily she is rich so she is satisfied and happy after purchasing as many things as possible.
Also, money can be very important for some things which are not visible. For example, if any of family members is illed requring a expensive surgery money becomes the most important factor to decide to proceed with the surgery or just suffer without having the surgery.
We can not only make ourselves happy when we have lots of money, we can also be happy with some things that we never buy with money.
My parents were not rich when I was a child. I desired to get toys and pretty clethings but the couldn’t afford to buy them. I was disappointed that I could not have those things while my friends were having.
But my parents brought me up with unlimited love and they became my best friend to listen to me when I was in truble and needed adviie. As a result my childhood was happy and I grew up having positive way of thinking instead of complainng for the things my parents couldn’t buy for me.
In conclusion through my experience, we can make our lives convenient when having enough money.
But, we do not need to be frustrated or desperate with not having lots of money.
Happiness depends on our mind set and it is always subjective to change if the amount of money is considered a lot or little.
By focusing on what we have on our hands now and drive to achieve what we want to gain, we can always be happy”
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The candidate has addressed all parts of the task and presents a well-developed response. Ideas are relevant, extended and supported throughout. The candidate’s task response is the best aspect of this piece of writing. Ideas are logically organised, with some use of cohesive devices, and there is a clear overall progression, but paragraphing is inconsistent and not always logical. The range of vocabulary is adventurous [proceed with the surgery | unlimited love | positive way of thinking | frustrated | desperate], but there also errors in some quite basic items (thought / though | milianair / millionaire | stressful / stressed | illed / ill | clethings / clothes | the / they |truble / trouble | adviie / advice | complainng / complaining), which limits the rating on Lexical Resource. There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with a fair degree of accuracy, but a wider range and better control over punctuation would perhaps result in a higher score here.