Book 13 IELTS General Writing Test 4
Answers
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.0 score.
Here is the examiner’s comment
The letter does address the task, but the opening is not entirely appropriate e.g. [Dear friend] and nor is his introduction of himself to his friend [Hello, my name is Vemon]. The use of [my friend] as a form of address throughout the answer is also inappropriate. The bullet points are covered, but there is not much information on the last one as the writer only says [you write him), rather than explaining how to apply for the job. There is some organisation in the letter as each bullet point is covered in a separate paragraph, but there is little use of cohesive devices and the response is a little repetitive because of a lack of reference or substitution e.g. [this job | fix computer). Vocabulary is fairly basic and spelling errors are noticeable [Enginer employes]. The range of grammatical structures is limited, with frequent errors and although some complex forms are attempted, they too contain errors. Non-sentences also appear i.e. there is no verb [Computer. To fix computer. | 9 to 5clock.].
“Dear friend
Hello my name is Vernon. How about this job for you my friend. This job in my local company that might be suitable for you. Computer Enginer. To fix computer. My friend fix computer in my local company. Daytime go to work fix computer not working which is broken. You like computer and at work fix broken computer and all employes learn fix broken computer if computer broken you fix and help employes learn fix broken computer. How about it.
I know my friend you Study computer and gradate computer May 2013. I know my friend you love computer. The work hours is so good for you my friend, 9 to Sclock. When I hear about this job, it so suitable for you. You is Computer Enginer.
My friend I suggest you to apply for the job. My boss he is kind man. Tomorrow you write him and I tell my boss you is a good man. I tell him you is Computer Enginer.
Regards
Vernon”
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.5 score.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The candidate gives an extended response to the task, explaining why she agrees with the ideas and supporting his/her view with examples. His/her position is clear throughout and summarised briefly at the end. Information is organised logically and there is a clear progression throughout. There is some use of cohesive devices [Furthermore then | Sometimes | Also | To conclude] and of reference [this work what I want what I need | This is so terrible), but the range is not wide. Vocabulary is generally adequate [tidy and clean in the correct situation] and even where the word form or choice is incorrect, or spelling is faulty, the meaning is still clear e.g. [there/their body have his head sewen/have stiches in this head | non-tidyfuntidy I can suffer embarrassedembarrassment]. There is a variety of complex structures with frequent error-free sentences, though also occasional errors in the use of tenses [a person that come/came | he fallfell over].
“I think it is important to keep my house and my workplace tidy and clean with all things managed and in the correct situation.
Why is this? My home must be tidy to keep my families safe. If my home is tidy and electricity lines and toys and shoes and books are organised and in the correct place no one is going to fall over and do damage to there body. One day my friend Mohsin walked in his home to answer a person that come to his house door. He looked at the door. He didn’t look at the floor and he fall over one shoe and then he went to hospital to have his head sewen. Furthermore, if people arrive and my house is non-tidy, then I can suffer embarrassed. My family and my friends like to see my house tidy and clean. I like to see my house clean.
My workplace must be tidy so everything is organised. If my workplace is organised I think I can do more work. I can do this work because all my time is for my work. Sometimes I go to work and all my time I have to spend looking for my work. My desk is dirty and paper is all over the top and my time is taken by looking for what I want to do and what I need to do. This is so terrible and now think it is important to keep my workplace managed and all things in the correct situation. Also, if I need to find pens or pencils it is easy when organised.
To conclude in a nutshell keep house and workplace tidy is a good thing because I can find my things, my family like it, it is safe.”