Book 12 IELTS General Writing Test 4
Answers
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7.0 score.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The letter opens with a clear statement of purpose and goes on to address each bullet point, covering the first and the third at some length. There is room for expansion of the second bullet point. Information and ideas are logically organised, following the bullet points, and there is a clear progression throughout the
response. There is a range of linking devices [as well as ❘ due to | What is more In addition which leads to | Needless to say | Taking everything into consideration |Moreover | Finally), although not all of these are strictly necessary. There is evidence of less common vocabulary [outline | improvements | implemented | spacious | overcrowded | beneficial | advantageous] and use of collocations [expressed their dissatisfaction image of a company | first impression]. There are only occasional spelling errors [reseptionist | equipt | sesirelly), but the meaning is always clear (the position of [sesirelly] makes it clear that [sincerely] was intended). A variety of complex grammatical structures is used flexibly, while control over grammar and punctuation is good, apart from the use of a full stop rather than a comma in the phrase [area.due to the fact that.
“Dear Mr Smith,
I am writing to outline the complaints that have been made about the reception area as well as to suggest several improvements to be implemented.
A number of visitors expressed their dissatisfaction with our company’s reception area. due to the fact that it is not spacious and overcrowded. What is more, there are not enough desks to fill in the various forms. In addition, only one reseptionist can be addressed to with a great number of questions which leads to the place being
Overcrowded.
Needless to say, the area where visitors arrive is extremely important as it is the image of a company and gives the first impression about the organization.
Taking everything into consideration, it is highly recommended to widen the reception. area by using the room next to it
Moreover, it would be beneficial to equipt the place with additional furniture for visitors to use. Finally, hiring a second receptionist would be definitely advantageous. I am looking forward to the changes being implemented.
Yours sestrely.”
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.0 score.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The candidate identifies some positive and negative aspects of the topic, but does not offer any conclusion, which weakens the effectiveness of the response. The ideas presented are not always developed and or relevant ([celebrities making marketing with this products | local shops may be big factories in the future]). Ideas are organised into paragraphs and there is some use of linking devices [Nowadays Ussually that’s why | instead of | all of this], but there is a lack of overall progression because there is no conclusion. There is some good use of vocabulary [outlet | popular stores | local shops | promotions), but spelling errors are noticeable [differents | Ussually | demande | diarectly | you your home | clossing]. Errors in word formation also occur [exportation | this/these shops] and there is first language influence in the use of [Fabric] instead of [factory] which could cause some comprehension problems. There are attempts to use complex sentences, but errors in grammar and punctuation are frequent. The punctuation errors can cause some difficulty for the reader.
“Nowadays there are differents ways to buy clothes, but it is known that people love to go shopping, the problem is that some store that are near to our home doesn’t have the clothes we like, so we need to go for away to a big outlet, where we can fund popular stores even if we have local shops with quality dothes.
Usually the big stores are popular because the demande of the products that’s why the Fabrics are outside the cities. IF you go directly to a Fabric it is easier for you to fund a promotions or products that are more cheap, instead of going to a store that is close to you home where, sometimes it is more expensive because they bring the clothes and the transportation or if we are talking about an international product the exportation. Most of the people prefer to save some money going to the principal store. The negative aspect of all of this is that a lot of local shops are clossing, thats why they are creaking projects that help this local stores, some companies are investing. in this shops by putting them a lot of marketing that help the shops to be popular and Famouth, this is really helping the shops, a lot of celebrities and famous people are making marketing with this products and making them a popular product. So now this local shops may be big factories in the future.”