Book 12 IELTS General Writing Test 3
Answers
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.0 score.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The response addresses all three bullet points, but the ideas that are presented show little development. The purpose of the letter is clear, however, and the writer’s position is given at the end. Information is presented with some organisation and some basic linking devices are used [Firstly | Secondly | In facf); there are also examples of simple reference words [this team | This solution | this case]. The writer would need to use a wider range of cohesive devices to achieve a higher score here. There are attempts to use a range of vocabulary [obtain | advertising campain/campaign | maximum savety/safety | alhcolic/alcoholic beverage/s | in according/accordance with the Council], but these usually show errors in spelling or word formation. Other errors could cause some comprehension problems [sctisfect! satisfied? | challenging/competitions? | sujection/subject? possibility? proposal? | reguilty?]. There are attempts to use complex sentences [I would explain in witch ways, you’ll be obtain… | sponsoring a sport children team | We could mixte with… when the team need…], but the level of error is high and can cause some difficulty
for the reader.
“Dear Sir or Madam,
According to your letter, I’m very grateful and sctisfect, by you confidence. I would explain in witch ways, you’ll be obtain a good feedback from the general public. Firstly, sponsoring a sport children beam could increase the numbers of visitors (for examples, family, friends), and also the level of this team, and check the place too. We could mixte with an advertising campain when the team need to move for challenging. Secondly, we have another sujection it’s create two open-air concerts. This solution have a big advantage, because a lot of range of people could beneficited.
We can offer a large range of free item included. But it’s this case we reguilty a maximum savety of people to controlled the side and avoid alhcolic beverage. It’s very huge risk for evrything and we need to have in according with the Council.
In fact, I prefered to give my advice for this sponsorised local children, is very a good mark for the community and for the further customers.
I’m wainting you respond sooner, and I’ll hope to expose dearly my wiev point. Best regards.”
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.0 score.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The response addresses all parts of the prompt, although the idea that children should learn how to occupy themselves on their own is not as fully explored as the first part of the prompt. Even here the candidate only mentions educational activities organised by teachers: a stronger response might consider other types of organised activities, such as sports teams, dance or orchestral groups, which could develop other aspects of a child’s growth. Ideas are organised, however, and there is a clear overall progression. There is some effective use of signalling devices [However❘ On the one hand | On the other hand | For instance | To sum up] and other examples of cohesive devices are also used [such events | during this time). Paragraphing is signalled, though not consistently. The range of vocabulary is quite wide and shows awareness of collocation [participate in group activities | schedule their time current generation | give them permission to encouraged to attend | in certain circumstances | spare time | supervise children], but there are rather too many errors for a higher band here [intellegent | possitive | throght through| destinguish | recieve]. The use of [kids], repeated twice as [kinds] is not appropriate in this type of response. There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and although errors occur, they rarely reduce communication.
“In today’s world many people tend to believe that children should better participate in group activities that organised with certain purpose by teachers or their parent. However, others do not agree and suggest that kids become more intellegent whilet occupy themselves as in their future lives children will have to schedule their time. On the one hand, I must admit that teachers have much more experience and knowledge in how to amuse pupils and provide them with some useful education of the same time. In this case society can count on school workers as they help to bring up good change for current generation. Parents should give them permission to occupy their children’s free time with organised group activities and provide all possible help. Children have to be encouraged to attend in such events as it have possitive contribution in their studying process. On the other hand, in certain circumstances parents should let their children to plan part of their spare time by themselves. For instance, kinds have to be wise about how to schedule their time at the evening when no other activities are available. But still parents should supervise children during this time in order to not let them play video games all night throght.
To sum up it is important to notice that children in their young ages are not so self-confident and intellegent to deskingush what is useful for them and what is not. That is why teachers parents should always participate in activities which kinds involved in. To help them recieve more useful knowledge during their childhood.”