Book 11 IELTS General Writing Test 1
Answers
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7 score.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The response is relevant and appropriate. The candidate presents each bullet point clearly and extends/supports each one well. Ideas are logically organised and there is clear progression throughout the response. Use of discourse markers is managed somewhat mechanically (At first, However, Next, also, Lastly, as well, In conclusion), but there is good use of other cohesive devices such as reference and substitution, although there are some instances of inaccuracy (it, such a people, the reason why this happen, For that reason, most valuable point, them, for these reason). The range of lexis demonstrates some flexibility and precision, as well as an awareness of style and collocation (disadvantage, around same age as you, just have fun with friends, very difficult to enter Japanese colleges, graduate, huge, not cheap, waste of money, reception, collegue/colleague, customers, English skill), although occasional errors in spelling and word formation occur. A variety of complex structures is attempted, but the grammatical control is variable: this lack of control is probably the weakest aspect of this script.
“Dear Haruka.
Hello Haruka. I am writing a reply to your letter that asking for advice about whether to go to college or to try to get a job. I thing trying to get a job is better for you. I would like to write reasons why.
At first, I will mention about disadvantage of going to college. I think you would not enjoy it, because in a college, especially Japanese college, you could only meet people who are around same age as you. You must have already met such a people in your junior high school and high school. In addition to it, many students tend to just have fun with friends beside study. The reason why this happen, it is usually very difficult to enter Japanese colleges but to graduate it is not so difficult. For that reason, many students tend to just have enjoy, like having parties, going out, going travel. However college costs a huge of money on you. The fee of it is not cheap of course. I think it is waste of money to go to college
Next, I would tell you why getting a job is good idea for you. The most valuable point is experience. Not like college, you can see many people from different age of you. By talking with them, you can get many knowledge of life and it would be good for you. Not only from people, you can also get important experience from working. You could know how different to eam the money and also you can know many social system as well Lastly I would like to suggest the types of job that would be suttable for you. I think you good at talking with people, so the reception of company, school or hotel would be good. You can meet not only collegue but also many people of customers. If you would get a job of hotel, you can use your English skill as well.
In conclusion, I should try to get a job for these reason. Good luck for
you.”
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6 score.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The candidate addresses all parts of the prompt appropriately, with examples or extension to illustrate and support his ideas. His own position is clearly stated in the third part of the response. His response to the task is the best aspect of the script, but further support and extension would be required to achieve a higher band here. There is a clear overall progression in the response; discourse markers are used somewhat mechanically, with occasional errors (Sometimes, For instance, In the other hand, Firstly, Secondly, In my opinion, At final) and there are some attempts to use other cohesive devices (In this case), but paragraphing is poorly handled, with some ‘paragraphs’ consisting of a single sentence. The lexical resource is both adequate and appropriate for the task, showing some awareness of style and collocation (family situation, confidential, suburb of Paris, curriculum vitae, position, skills and degrees, discrimination, united, share the same interests and hobbies, good relationships between each member, a balanced life), but there are also errors in word formation and spelling (job’s candidats, impopular, work’s team, wich, request/require, familial), as well as two instances where meaning is unclear (rentability, performant). There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, but there are errors in grammatical control, e.g. (This people hadn’t been choose for the position, some employers prefers, a man… who have).
“Sometimes, in interviews, some employers ask job’s candidats for personnal information such as hobbies and interests, or family situation.
Some people think that this information should be confidential and candidats for jobs don’t have to give private information to employers.
For instance, in a suburb of Paris, people applying for jobs said, in their Curriculum Vitae, they lived in a very impopular suburb and they practiced Rap Music. This people hadn’t been choose for the position while they had all the skills and degrees for it. In this case, personal information can be the cause of a kind of “discriminations” In the other hand, some employers prefers to have very united work’s team because they think it’s a factor to improve rentability in companies. In this case, personal information such as hobbies and interests could be very precious.
Finally, a work’s team who share the same interests and hobbies is more performant because of the good relationships between each member.
Secondly, a man applying for jobs, who have hobbies and interests, shows that he have a balanced life. It’s the same for a woman.
In my opinion, give some personnal information when I have an interview for a job could be a way of talking about me. I think an employer have to know wich person he has in front of him. It’s much more important if the position request responsibility.
At final, even so sometimes it’s not really relevant or useful to give personal
information for people applying for job, most of employers have to know their interests. hobbies, or familial situation.”