Book 11 IELTS General Writing Test 4
Answers
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5 score.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The response generally addresses the task and the purpose is generally clear. However, the tone is not always appropriate (I want the company to pay for my course…, Please I ask you, will you pay for my course…). The bullet points are covered but there is quite a lot of repetition. There is information about the course (The course shows how to use internet, use software and other usefull thing about computers…) but there could be more detail. The information is quite well organised and the paragraphs are clear, but there needs to be more referencing and substitution (computer, company, my job, course). Some basic cohesive devices are used (and, so, if, this, it), but there need to be more linking devices, e.g. in the third paragraph. There is some good vocabulary (benefit, uses software), but it is rather limited, and there are some spelling errors (usefull). The range of structures is limited and there are errors in complex sentences (If company pay, it is good for company and good for my work…, I can’t afford to pay for course so hope you can helping me with this). Some simple sentences are accurate (I know you will not regret it…), but there are a lot of grammar errors, e.g. articles (the, a).
“Dear Sir/Madam,
I am write for apply training course which I see in advertisment. The training course Is for computers and it can helping me for my job. I need to leam more about vee computer and this course can be usefull for me. I need to use computer a lot, so I will benefit from this and the company will also benefit because I will be good at using it for my job. The course shows how to use internet, use software and other usefull thing about computers.
I want the company to pay for my course. If company pay, it is good for company and good for work. I can’t afford to pay for course so I hope you can helping me with
this.
my
Please I ask you, will you pay for my course. I know you will not regret it. You will see I am very good at use computers in my job.”
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7 score.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The response addresses all parts of the task and there is a clear opinion. Ideas are usually expressed fully, but they sometimes need more support. Organisation is logical and there is a clear central topic to each paragraph. There is a good range of cohesive devices, although there are some errors (As character is concerned …. There are some people which…). Substitution is usually good, although there is some repetition (basic things) in the first paragraph. There is a good range of vocabulary and there are some less common words and phrases (distinctive, ethnic origins, Another aspect of dress is, grubby, misleading, they are not just following fashion…). There are some word choice errors (national style of wear). and spelling errors (nowdays, personalitys). There is a good range of complex structures and many sentences have accurate grammar and punctuation. There are a few errors in grammar (how much concerned they about to be smart).
“It is certainly a very interesting question. Does what a person wears tell us so much about their culture and personality or not? I tend to agree that clothes can tell us some basic things, but that they do not tell us much more than those basic things. First of all, I will consider how a person’s choice of clothes reveals their culture. This is true in some way the for example, in many countries people have a distinctive nationa skyle of wear, and some particular cloths and fabrics are typical of certain areas. Therefore, clothes can sometimes reveal the ethnic origins and culture of a person, but as so many people nowdays dress in business suits or jeans and T-shirts worldwide this is becoming less and less true.
As character is concerned, we can tell in some places if the wearer of clothes is a follower of fashion. Another aspect of dress is whether the clothes look clean and irones or grubby and very casual. This might tell us how much concerned they are about to be smart. However, the way someone dresses can also be misleading at times. There are some people which wears clothes that seems very unusual and strange but often they are just following fashion and are not unusual or strange people in their personalitys
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To sum up, I would say that we can find out something about a person from their style of dress but only the surface things, and not the deeper character.”