Book 11 IELTS General Writing Test 3
Answers
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7 score.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The candidate states the purpose of the letter at the outset. All three bullet points are covered and clearly highlighted (even though the first and second bullet points are addressed in reverse order). Information and ideas are logically organised and there is a clear progression throughout the response. There is some flexibility and precision in the use of lexis and evidence of ability to use less common items (underestimate the importance of this center, the influence of sporting activities … on the health of the people, fitness lessons for adults, negative concequences, the opportunity to spend their time in a healthy atmosphere). US spelling is used consistently throughout; spelling and word choice errors are only occasional (meat/meet, concequences the closure of the center could do). There is a variety of complex structures, used with some flexibility and accuracy (raise my concern regarding…. provided it doesn’t rain, people could become less engaged in… affect their health, for the people interested in sport it will become more difficult to …). There are a few grammatical errors, but these do not impede communication.
“Dear Sir or Madam,
My name is Irana Smimova and I am writing to raise my concem regarding the plans to close our local sports and leisure center. It is hard to underestimate the importance of this center for citizens; in fact, it became the point where we all meat each other to share some positive emotions and spend free time. Also, one cannot miss the influence of sporting activities provided there on the health of the people.
My famly is used to going to the center several times a week. My husband and I attend fitness lessons for adults on Monday and Wednesday after work. My two sons. went to the center after school, they have a place there to do their homework, to play with other children and relax in safe environment. On weekends we vevally meet friends there and go to the swimming pool ore open-air tennis courts provided it doesn’t rain cats and dogs.
I can think of several negative concequences the closure of the center could do.
Firstly, people could become less engaged in sport activities which will definitely affect their health. Secondly, children will lose the opportunity to spend their time in a healthy atmosphere and will spend more time at the street. Finally, for the people interested In sport it will become more difficult to get to the place to exercize as the nearest sports center in in Tomton which is 50 miles away.
I believe this question deserves close attention. Yours faithfully
Irina Smirnova.”
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6 score.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
All parts of the prompt are addressed and a position is presented that is directly relevant to the prompt. Main ideas are relevant, but some would benefit from further development. Ideas are generally arranged coherently and there is a clear overall progression. Some paragraphs are rather short, due to a lack of development of ideas. The range of lexis is generally adequate and appropriate for the task, with only a few spelling errors. There is a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, generally produced accurately.
“In our daily life, we see many photos or images of news events in newspapers and on television. Some people say that the images are more effective to tell the truth than words. Basically I agree to this idea, but there are some different idea as well.
The idea that showing pictures is the effective way is obviously true, because we can see a lot of photos and images in media. We can see the atmosphere. facial expressions and background scenaries from the photos. Everybody believes that watching is more important than hearing.
In addition, young people do not like reading recently. They are used to collecting information from the internet rather than books. For the young generation, images should be much more effective than reading every single letters, needless to say.
However, photos cannot tell more than they show. You can see a facial expression of a murderer in the picture, but you never know his history or habits without reading an investigation about him. When the East Japan Earthquake occurred, I read a lot of newspaper articles about the families of victims. There are a huge amount of stories of children who lost parents with Tsunami and a man who lost his wife with a baby in her tummy, and so on. At that time, I felt strongly that words are much more effective that pictures.
To sum up, if I am asked the question which more effective is, pictures or words, I would say pictures. But we should be more flexible to accept reading words as well as watching images, not escaping from letters. We have to try to collect the balanced information from media, not only by the pictures, but also valuable words.”