Book 17 IELTS Academic Writing Test 2
Answers
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7.5 score.
The table illustrates the data on the police budget in which the money came from and the two pie charts describe the distribution of the amount of money in the two of year 2011 and 2016 in an area of Britain. Overall, there was an upward trend in all three different sources while the money spent on salaries was always the majority of contribution. Looking into more details, the highest amount of money on the police budget belonged to ‘National Ciovernmentl, 1155 million pounds in 2011 and it Kept rising to MS million pounds. Thus was followed by ‘Local Taxes, at 411.2 million pounds in 2011, after one year, it increase significantly to 102.3 million pounds. In term of the how the money was spent, the majority of police budget goes to salaries which was for officers and staff, dropping slightly from 15% in 2011 to 641% in 2016. Meanwhile, the proportion of ‘5uildings and transport’ remained constantly, at ri% each year. An opposite pattern can be seen in the category of technology, its figure rose sharply from S% in WO to i4% in 2016, which was always the lowest rate during the given period.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
This response addresses both parts of the question. A range of ideas is expressed and the candidate gives their position in the opening paragraph and then provides evidence and relevant examples. Ideas are logically organised and there is clear progression throughout the four paragraphs. A range of cohesive devices are used [The first reason | For instance | Moreover] with referencing used appropriately [they | themselves | their studies | it]. The range of vocabulary is good with examples of higher-level items [social skills | restriction of distance | ultimately] and there are few errors [overusage / overuse | niece … he / niece … she | watchin / watching | require to know / needs to know]. Similarly, the range of grammatical structures is reasonable, but the level of error means the Band Score cannot be higher than 6.5.
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.5 score.
“Mobile phones, nowadays, contains essential features with entertainment also. There has been a large growth seen in usage hours of smartphones among youngsters. There are several reasons behind this situation and I find this development more beneficial than negative. Both the reasons and my view is elaborated further.
The first reason for overusage of smart devices by youngsters is the social benefit they provide. The smart phone connected with internet opens up the large possibilities, from creating new friends to communicating with them over social media. For instance, a child in my neighbourhood chats for hours with his school friends over Facebook (a social media) and also spend time over online video sharing phone application. Moreover, the mobile gaming, specially multiplayer games, is another major reason for the situation. Children plays different kind of games over mobile for the entertainment purpose and they involve themselves in games in such a manner, that they forget about the timing and other work to do.
However, I believe that smartphones have also increased the knowledge of pupils. It has developed some important social skills, such as communication skill, team work and many more, by allowing them to work and play in groups, without the restriction of distance. In addition, children can learn through internet by watchin online videos and reading articles, which ultimately helps them in their studies as well as language skills. For example, whenever my niece require to know about something, he searches it over the internet and learns from it. Moreover, multiplayer online gaming improves their multitasking ability and it also gives them a competitive environment. Overall, I agree that overusage of smartphones on regular basis is harmful for them, but if given proper guidance, mobile phones can help them in learning some life-long skills.”
Here is the examiner’s comment:
This response addresses both parts of the question. A range of ideas is expressed and the candidate gives their position in the opening paragraph and then provides evidence and relevant examples. Ideas are logically organised and there is clear progression throughout the four paragraphs. A range of cohesive devices are used [The first reason | For instance | Moreover] with referencing used appropriately [they | themselves | their studies | it]. The range of vocabulary is good with examples of higher-level items [social skills | restriction of distance | ultimately] and there are few errors [overusage / overuse | niece … he / niece … she | watchin / watching | require to know / needs to know]. Similarly, the range of grammatical structures is reasonable, but the level of error means the Band Score cannot be higher than 6.5.