Book 19 IELTS General Writing Test 4
Answers
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.0 score.
“Dear Sir,
I am writing to ask for a permition about changing my position. As you know, I have already work in sales department for two years which let me learn a lot of skills of sales and helped me becoming the best sales man the season. However, I would like to require moving to Design department and I would state my reason in the following paragraphs.
First of all, I would like to thank you for giving me many chances to equip my sales skills, such as negociating with clients, promoting product and most importantly, getting over fears of meeting strangers.
However, inspite of sales skills, I eager to learn more skills in the company. Especially, I am always interest in design our company’s product. Moreover, I have got some certificates from self learning and understand some design skills when I was asistanted my colleage from design department. Besides, I really love this company. The environment and working feeling are perfect here. So, those are why I am keen to stay in this company.
Thanks you for your reading and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Yours faithfully,”
Here is the examiner’s comment:
This letter is a good response to the task and the letter format is appropriate and helpful. However, the second bullet point, which is to suggest how the company would benefit, ist not well covered. In the third paragraph, there is mention of an increased understanding of design skills from another department, but it is not entirely clear how this benefits the company. More could be added on this point to improve the response.
Nevertheless, ideas are arranged coherently and there is good progression. Some useful linking devices are used [However | First of all | Moreover | Besides), although they all come at the beginning of the sentence. We also have reference and substitution [in the following paragraphs | are perfect here), but there are errors [those that is].
There is some good vocabulary, but there are also errors which detract from the score [permition/permission | asistanted/ assisting] but do not have too much impact. Grammatical structures contain some stronger examples [would like to thank you for why I am keen to stay), but overall, the level of error is quite high.
In order to score more highly, the candidate should clearly highlight all three bullet points and extend responses. There should also be greater accuracy in spelling and fewer errors in the grammatical structures.
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.5 score.
“It is always a debatable topic whether photographers should follow famous people to get information about their lives. One class of people says it is good and photographers should do it while another class comments that it is not good to interferes someone’s life. Before giving my opinion, I would like to discuss both the view points in detail as given in coming paragraphs.
There is one group of people who believe that photographers should always follow well known celebrities and try to get photos and information about their life. As the fans of that particular celebrity are very interested in such news and information. By getting this type of details, fans would love to follow that person’s habits, style, clothing, etc. For example, one of my friend ketul is a big fan of famous filmstar Salman Khan. He used to follow him and wearning same clothes, keeps similar hairstyle as Salman khan is having. One more reason is that the photographers taking pictures of such famous personalities and spreading it via different social media makes that person more famous. In many cases, that celebrities like this thing.
On the other hand, another group of people believe that photographers should not do this. Following someone and taking pictures of his/her personal life is wrong. Celebrities are also a human being. They also want some space apart from their career. There are some cases where these personalities were upset and angry on photographers for doing this. For example, in December 2011, Priyanka Chopra (a famous actress) field a case against a photographer for the same.
In conclusion, I would like to say that the photographers should do this but with the permission of that celebrities. Taking pictures of someone without informing is always wrong. Getting pictures of famous personality is people’s demand and famous people should always satisfy his/her fans by allowing photographers to take their pictures.”