Book 17 IELTS General Writing Test 4
Answers
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.5 score.
“Dear Sir or Madam
My name is Sam I broght throght your websit a suit for my sister wedding two day ago I got the suit I order and I was so happy because it’s arrived on time.
when I open the box with the suit I decided to try it to make sure I got the right size and it’s fit me, unfortunately when I try it I found out the top part of the suit it to small and the forts is to big winat mean I can’t wear it at all and also mean I need to packet and send it bake to you and with again for the right size.
I need to replace it as soon as possible because my sister wedding is in two weeks time in Greece and I flying there next Tuesday which mean I have less then a week to get my right order with the right size and make sure its fits me and fly there.
I appreciate your awarnec for the short time from we have case mistak is happened to help be ready to my sister wedding.
Kind regards”
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The response covers all three points in the question. The problem is with a suit, and specifically the size. The candidate explains the urgency of getting a replacement: he needs it for his sister’s wedding in two weeks. The tone is generally appropriate and all the requirements of the task are addressed.
Ideas are arranged in the order of the question so there is a clear overall progression. There is some effective use of cohesive devices [unfortunately | also] and referencing [which mean]; however, there are numerous faulty examples [What mean / This means] which affect the score.
There is an adequate range of vocabulary with some examples of less common terms (make sure | need to replace it; however, the errors in word choice [packet / pack it | bake / back | fonts/? | then / than] and spelling [broght throght your websit / bought through your website | aware / awareness | mistak / mistake] reduce the score. Similarly, the errors in sentence structure reduce the score.
There are no correct sentences in this response; although it is written mainly in the present tense, present-tense verb structures are sometimes not appropriate [open / opened | it to small | was too small) and auxiliary verbs are faulty (it’s fit me / it fitted me | its fits me / it fits me].
To achieve a higher score, the candidate would need to reduce the number of errors in vocabulary and sentence structure
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.5 score.
“Since our job take the majority of our daytime (or nighttime, that’s depend on the job) our colleagues are a important part of our social life. We see them everyday and we usually have to interact with them many times. Do those interactions have to stay strictly professional or is it better including them in our private life?
First, tha’s depend on everyone’s personality. Some people are good to keep distance during the working time’s interaction, keep neutral conversations and separate clearly the private life and professional life. On a other side, some people can’t control it and their personality will push them to be friendly with people who they get along with or be distant to people with who they feel inconfortable.
In fact, it is important to feel good at work. A heavy atmosphere caused by tensions between coworkers could effect very badly out life even when we come back home.
Socialize with the work colleagues in the free time can be a good occasion to know people better, away from the working stress and pressure. We can discover another part of their personality, hobbies, or personal problems and then we can be more able to understand them during hard
time at work.
Of course sometime in an other hand some matters can appear when the line between private and professional life start to be fuzzy. For example, when two coworkers become a couple and continue to work together or when a friendship between two coworkers can be gossips start point.
But since we are all humans with our own sensitive points, it is important to be to keep a good atmosphere at work by speaking out all the problems to release all the tensions. Communication is the key but also sharing a good time with coworkers away from work can be a nice way to understand more each other.”
Here is the examiner’s comment:
This is a good response. Ideas are presented on both sides and there is a clea opinion at the end. The desire to socialise is related to personality, some people would rather keep their distance, others are always friendly. The candidate preserts the advantages (improved working atmosphere and better understanding) and tre disadvantages (relationships that get too close).
The response is logically organised. There is a range of linking devices (First ) In fact | Of course] with some errors [On a other side / On the other hand].
Cohesive devices within sentences are used effectively for referencing [some people … their | them | they | each other]. Paragraphing is not always logical, the third paragraph is very short and could be usefully joined to the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary demonstrates an appropriate writing style, with collocation [strictty professional | get along with | tensions between coworkers | release all the tensions]. There are errors in spelling, but they tend to be the same errors for the same words [professional / professional] twice and [personnality / personality] three times. There are some errors in word choice [speaking out | talking about, but they do not impede communication. There are a variety of complex structures and many sentences with multiple clauses.
To improve the response, paragraphing could be more logical and there should be fewer errors in vocabulary and sentence structure.