This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7.0 score.

“The practice of traming physically with personal fitness guides is getting increasingly common in some nations Therefore playing sports or taking part in physical exercise courses are less preferred From my perspective, this acts as a desirable development as it provides people with a multitude of benefits.
The growing need for personal trainers can be attributed to the following reasons. Firstly, due to the spredy pace of moder life, people are getting busier with their jobs as well as basic daily chores such as housework. As a result, taking part in a mutual exercise classes is quite impossible for busy people, as they can hardly flexify themselves with the schedules of other class members.
Hiring a personal traine seems to be the most appropriate resolution to the problem, since people will no longer depend on others timetable and they can do exercise with their trainers whender they have free time. Secondly, joining a mutual class offers people few opportunities to have private conversations with the teachers. The reason is that there are often a large number of leamers in a class and teachers can hardly answer all members questions. Unlikewise, personal trainers are responsible for one student per class, which enables students to have more time to consult their teachers.
The increasing demand for personal trainer has made significant improvements to modern peoples lives. It is a new and suitable way of managing time efficiently, especially for those who have a litte fund of time.
In conclusion, I hold a strong belief that hiring personal fitness trainer, which is time-saving and of remarkable convenience, has made positive changes to the way people doing exercise.”
Here is the examiner’s comment:
This response presents the position clearly, that this is a positive development overall. The first question is fully addressed, and the reasons presented include the fast pace of life, busy jobs, daily chores and the inability to fit in with the schedules of other people. For a stronger response, more could be written about the second part of the question, on why this is a positive development.
Ideas and information are logically organised but paragraphing could be used more appropriately, as the third paragraph is not well developed.
Vocabulary is the strongest feature and is fluently and flexibly used, with some precise meanings (multitude of benefits | consult their teachers], but occasional inaccuracies in word choice (mutual / group | fexify themselves with / fit in with?] or collocation [fund of time) remain. There are also a variety of complex grammatical structures with multi-clause sentences and frequent error-free sentences.