Book 17 IELTS General Writing Test 1
Answers
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.0 score.
“Dear Vanessa,
I am very glad to write this letter for you. I recognised that you are looking for an advice about a new sport to learn. Well, I would suggest you a very popular sport in my town, which is basketball.
All my friends are interested in this activity. Indeed, there is a great club around my house where they perfectly teach how to play this sport. You can register and start your sessions right away. You will be introduced to all the informations: rules, movements, tricks and so on. I am sure you will enjoy it and I believe that playing basketball would suit you well as you have the physical potential for it.
I personally am a huge fan of basketball, but I have not had the opportunity to learn it. So, I think 1 might join you to the club if you consider my advice to you. That would be a wonderful idea!
I hope my letter will satisfie your needs and I will be looking foreward to recieving your answer.
Take care,
You friend”
Here is the examiner’s comment:
This response addresses the task and covers all three points. The sport chosen is basketball and the way to learn would be by joining a local club. The third point is not presented as clearly. The expression (join you to the club] does not fully indicate that the plan is to learn this sport together’. To improve this response, the third point should be more clearly presented.
There is also inconsistency in tone at the end where [satisfie your needs] sounds too formal for a letter to a friend. Ideas are logically organised with some effective use of cohesive devices [Well | which | where | but | Soj.
The range of vocabulary is adequate with some less common items [physical potential | had the opportunity), but a greater range would be needed to score more highly. This response includes sentences with multiple clauses including [but | in and a range of tenses. However, there are more than a few errors [for you / to you | an advice / advice | suggest you / suggest] which detract from the overall score.
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7.0 score.
“Technology has found its way into every aspect of our lives, including the way we pay for things in shops. Following this trend, i believe we will not need to use cash in the future.
First of all generations that have grown with technology, have become dependant on multiple devices to perform even the simplest tasks. Millerials and people from they generation can be seen holding their phones at all times, which makes it easier for them to process payments with something they already have on their hands.
Moreover, as fashion is also playing a very important role in our society, being able to process payments with an electronic device as a card, is not only saving us time in counting cash, but also space when it comes to carrying thing. As a plus, it gets rid of the jinggling sound of coins in our bags. This can be seen on a day to day basis when both, men and women, are getting ready to go out. Taking only their phone, a couple of cards and their keys.
However, for some people this might not be functional as it brings extra charges on our accounts for using eftpos machines.
To conclude, even though there are both advocates and detractors for giving up using cash, I believe that our obsession with technology is a slippery slope that will eventually end on us giving up cash.”
Here is the examiner’s comment:
This is a strong response overall. The first part of the task is fully addressed, but the second part, the reasons for some people being unhappy, is less well covered.
To improve this response, more than one reason should be given for why some people are unhappy with this change.
Ideas are arranged logically; however, paragraphing is not used appropriately.
The fourth and fifth paragraphs have only one sentence. Other aspects of cohesion are good, with linking devices at the start of sentences (Moreover | As a plus) and within sentences [which | when | even though] and some effective uses of referencing [our | their | this].
The use of vocabulary is precise [found its way | following this trend | process payments | obsession with technology … slippery slope] with rare errors in spelling [dependant / dependent |jinggling / jingling] or collocation [end on us / end with us).
Sentences are mainly error-free and there are a variety of verb structures: modals, perfect tenses and future structures.
To improve this response, the second part of the task, about why some people would be unhappy in a society without cash, should be more fully addressed.
Paragraphing could also be more appropriate. The response is slightly shorter than the required 250 words.