Book 13 IELTS General Writing Test 1
Answers
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.0 score.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The candidate has addressed all three bullet points, though there is room for extension of each one. The tone is appropriate and the purpose of the letter is clear. Information and ideas are arranged coherently and there is effective use of cohesive devices [Firstly | Additionally | Consequently. The range of vocabulary is adequate for the task and although there are errors in word choice [expose/ express trans Ference/transfer] and several spelling errors [develope | recquired ❘enormuusly sincerely, the meaning is still clear. There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and although there are errors in both grammar and punctuation, these do not impede communication. Extension of the main ideas, a wider resource in both vocabulary and range of grammatical structures, along with fewer errors in spelling, grammar and punctuation would lift this script above Band 6.
“Dear Mr Smith,
The purpose of this letter is to expose my interest of working during half year in the company’s head office.
Firstly, I would like to mention that I have developed efficiently my. Additionally I have performed accurately the role that I have been doing over the last years. Consequently, I would like to learn about other areas in the company, and I would appreciate the opportunity of being involved in new challenges.
If that could be possible. I would like to train my assistant. She could develope the tasks that I have been doing as well as me. Moreover, I can confide un her. She has a wide knowledge and the capability to develope any task related to my job. Not only she could do my job but also she could have my advice at any time that it would be required.
I would enormously appreciate if you could have the possibility of arrange overseas my trans Ference to the head office in the company.
Your sincerelly”
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.5 score.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The candidate addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. Main ideas are presented, supported and expanded, especially in the second paragraph. Organisation is logical and there is generally clear progression throughout, but linking within and between some sentences is occasionally faulty or weak [… in danger. Because… | commit crimes. So, bad sequences…be imposed. Because it is not good… at night, however. The range of vocabulary is sufficient to demonstrate some less common items and some collocations [pros and cons❘ safe areas | commit crimes | drugs | rapes ❘robberies | exempted]. Spelling errors are rare [high crime late/rate | cufew] and there are only occasional examples of incorrect word choice [from/some background | may need not be imposed in safe areas | area which/where]. There is a variety of complex structures, with frequent error-free sentences. Grammar and punctuation are generally well controlled.
“In some regions of America, a ‘curfew seems to be imposed although it has not been imposed in Japan for many years. There should be from background to impose a curfew and this essay will discuss pros and cons about it.
First of all, curfews may not be imposed in safe areas. Safe areas mean that the crime rate is low. If teenagers go out at night in the area which there are many crimes happening, they would be involved and be in danger. Because they do not know how to protect themselves from possible dangers of crimes. Also, it is possible that teens might commit crimes due to the fact they are curious about everything and they are easily involved to their friends. In addition, high crime late sometimes means that parents interest about education is low. Therefore children get interested in crimes, drugs, rapes, robberies instead of studying. Consequently, children will not get good jobs and will become poor, then will commit crimes. So, bad sequences will be repeated. In such situations, it may be necessary to impose a curfew.
However, there may be a opinion that a cufew should not be imposed. Because it is not good idea to restrict children’s action and children’s freedom should be respected instead. I agree with this idea to some extent. If a teen is less than 15 years old, they should not be outside after 9 o’clock. However, teens over 15 years old can understand what is wrong.
In conclusion, in a dangerous area teenagers might be restricted to go out at night, however ages over 15 can be exempted. What is more important thing is to educate people including parents. Otherwise, situations will not change.”