Book 11 IELTS Academic Writing Test 4
Answers
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7 score.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The candidate covers the main features of the table and charts, and gives a satisfactory overview of the data. The information is logically organised with a clear progression in the way points are presented. Cohesive devices are used effectively (during the same two periods), but not always accurately (on a contrary). A range of vocabulary is used flexibly (shows a negative pattern, illustrates that, an upward trend, has reached its aim), but there are occasional errors in word choice (the amount of visitors, It is obviously). The candidate has used a variety of complex structures (the charts that show the result of surveys asking people how satisfied they were with their visit, after the refurbishment from 74,000 before the reconstruction to 92,000 after it had been done). There is good control of grammar, although there are a few minor errors (there is the charts). Punctuation is generally well controlled, but full stops are missing at the end of the first and final paragraphs and there are a few minor errors (lets look).
“The table below shows the amount of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the years. after and the year before it was modernized. After the table there is the charts that show the result of surveys asking people how satisfied they were with their visit thos museum, during the same two periods
It is obviously that the numbers of visitors significantly increased after the refurbishment from 74.000 before the reconstruction to 92,000 after it had been done. Now lets look at the charts. The year before refurbishment shows a negative pattern: the results of survey investrate that only 15% of visitors were very satisfied and the number of desatisfied people was 40%. The year after refurbishment lustrates that the number of dissatisfied visitors declined and became 15%, on a contrary, people who were very satisfied increased to 35%. Comparing the amount of satisfied visitors we can also see an upward trend it increased from 50% to 40% after the refurbishment).
To sum up, we can say that all work that has been done to attract new visitors to Ashdown Museum has reached its aim.”
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.5 score.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
All parts of the prompt are addressed and a position is presented (eventually) that is directly relevant to the prompt. Main ideas are relevant, but some are insufficiently developed. Ideas are generally arranged coherently and there is a clear overall progression. Some cohesive devices are used effectively, if mechanically, while others are faulty (From the point of my view). Paragraphing is adequate. The lexical resource is limited, but just about adequate for the task. Errors occur in word choice, word formation and spelling (rise satisfaction, the same important as economic for a country, morden) and may cause some difficulty for the reader. The candidate has tried to use a variety of complex structures, but the writing lacks grammatical control (we are going to talking about, A country doesn’t have a completed systems is not a completed country…). The variety of structures would suggest Band 6 on Grammar, Range and Accuracy, but the errors sometimes impede communication; there are also errors in sentence formation and/ or punctuation (But some people argue that, So the goverments put the economic progress to the top list, Because there are other progress such as).
“Nowadays economic progress plays an important part in our life. So many governments believe that it should be the most important goal. But some people argue that it is not the most important thing. There are other progress are equally important. In this essay, we are going to taking about why people have different views.
Generally people think money is everything, if we do not have any money, we can not buy anything. So the goverment’s put the economic progress to the top list. They believe the if the economic progress could bring a good result, then people can have money to rise satisfaction about their life. However, other types of progress are not important. Some people suggest that the government should not put the economic progress to the most important place. Because there are other progress such as health system, building design, or education system are the same important as economic for a country. A country doesn’t have a completed system is not a completed country, even if it has a lot of money. In this morden society, more and more people realize that money is not the important thing in the world, and it doesn’t mean anything, while they think health, happeness are more important than it. Owing to that, some people argue that other types of progress are equally important.
From the point of my view, I agree with that other types of progress are as important as economic. Even though we have a lot of money, we can not buy happeness. and health. Therefore the governments shouts put other types of progress to the important place as well.”
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